#31

Hey peeps,

New friendships made, friendships lost, & old friendships growing. 

I say friends are fcuked up for walking away w/o saying anything & leaving a friendship behind, but I did that myself to a particular someone. I sorta feel stupid for doing that b/c that’s so immature of me to do. However, I don’t miss our friendship. Ahh, a fcuked up thing to say; but I let go & I’m not regretting it. there’s something about you that I can’t stand, it’s just something. Yeah, tell me not to let one thing ruin the whole friendship; but if I can’t stand it, then I won’t deal w/ it. there’s this awkwardness btwn us, but honestly - I don’t mind one bit. I feel way more of a better person b/c those conversations we had in the past bout shit, I’m doing way less of it. You’re doing your own thing & I’m doing my own. i’m still who I am, I act how I’ve been acting & I’m not changing anything up for anybody.

I’ve come to realize the actions & words of the people around me. The people I so call ‘friends’. I don’t need that specific somebody that I stay glued to every single day. I just love the drama-free atmosphere around me. The feeling of being able to walk by & say a simple HI & the conversation starts from there, all laughter & no awkwardness. There are some people I can just keep a conversation with, not about boys or gossip, just a regular smooth conversation. & then, there are some people I can just update & trust even though we don’t talk on a daily basis. I really enjoy meeting new people, all different kind of people. I can depend on myself, b/c what if one day everyone turns their back on you

In the end, I don’t mind being alone. Sometimes, I rather be alone than be around friends. It’s nothing personal but the space I need to just be able to breathe & worry ‘bout nothing, not even the smallest things. I rather spend my days & nights @ home on my couch watching Lifetime movies, Disney/MTV/CBS shows, that’s relax time for me. I’m an outgoing & open person, but I still do criticize myself b/c I have such low self-esteem (although it may not seem like it.) Y’know why I’m still smiling & doing my own thing? B/c I live life for nobody but myself. I do what I want to do & follow nobody. I ignore what others do b/c I was born an original, & I’m not gonna die a copy.

Jan 27th 2011