#30

Hey peeps, 

I'm tired being nice

I fuck up a lot. I make mistakes. I don’t know what I want. I’m bipolar. I fight about everything. I cuss about everything. Sometimes I get mad over the littlest shit. I am a total bitch when it comes down to it. I push people away. I say things I don’t mean. I hate. I love. I do things I wish I never did. But whatever I do, no matter what I do, I LEARN. For every thing I take a risk for, I learn. And without experience, I would have never been where I am at today, and never be as strong as I am today. Please do not tell me what I did wrong, who I did wrong,  because I ALREADY know. Sue me for being a god damn human being. I am not perfect, and I don’t live to anyone’s expectation but myself. I am me, that’s all I’ll ever be.

We are all fucked up. We all have our flaws, our imperfections, insecurities, and unfavorable qualities. And we all make mistakes. WE ALL DO, but we also all have reasons. You don’t know why someone behaves the way they do, or why they feel the way they feel at times. This is why although something may hurt, frustrate, or anger you at the time, find it in your heart to forgive the person who you feel has wronged you because chances are someone has wronged them just the way they have you. It doesn’t make it okay, because we can make choices.

I’m the girl that would choose sweatpants over skirts any day. I'm the girl whose room looks like a tornado went through it. I’m the girl that doesn't wake up extra early to look nice. I’m the girl that has two hairstyles ; up or down. i’m the girl that eats. I’m the girl that can’t walk in heels without killing myself or someone else. I’m the girl that doesn’t pretend to be stupid. I’m the girl that means what she says. I’m the girl that manages to hold myself together, and say I’m fine, even when everything is going wrong. I’m the girl with her middle finger held high. I’m the girl that's tougher than a lot of guys. I’m the girl that really doesn’t care what people think.

I’m tired of every dream and expectation I had when I was a kid falling to pieces before my eyes. I wish people had been honest with me. I wish they’d prepare me for disappointment, but it’s unexpected. I wish they’d tell me that I won’t grow out of my awkwardness. So, I’d get used to it. I think movies should have disclaimers at the beginning saying, “these events you are about to witness will not occur in real life.” We’re all a bit broken and messed up. Nothing’s perfect. Most of us just go through life, waiting for things to get better. For some they do, for others they don’t. It’s up to you to make the best out of it. Question is, am I willing to try? / end rant.

Jan 25th 2011