#44

Hey peeps, 

Are you done breaking my heart yet?

Hmm, I don't know where to start because sometimes there is no easy way out. You just have to grin and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through the flames, just brace yourself and bite your lip. Sometimes you have to sever the ties clean off. Because in every relationship there comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return.


It feels like I’m downing.  I’m not sure if my heart will heal. it’s been broken way too many times to glue it back together. I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now, if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it, I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. and, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, i was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. more than i’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. maybe someday i’d be able to see it that way. But what if this hole never got better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible?


I don’t want to expect anything from you anymore. I only get hurt. When I expect something good is going to happen, you disappoint me everytime. What is wrong with me? No, please, don’t answer that. I don’t really want you picking me apart. I already know that I am an emotional mess. I love you so much! That’s the difference between us. I’ve given you all of my love already. I couldn’t love you any more. But you, you’ve kept your love at a distance from me, teasing me with it, giving me bit by bit when you felt the urge. You’re the one wearing that protected armour, that shield, that you keep close to you, promising me it will disappear one day.

” When? ” I scream. 

Feb 26th 2011